


Be Someone Else

by call_me_by_charmie



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Armie is still married, Hollywood, M/M, PR sham, confrontation in a bathroom at an award show (it seems to be a trope in this fandom), few months after cabo, talking about their feelings (well Timmy is)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:40:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25430266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/call_me_by_charmie/pseuds/call_me_by_charmie
Summary: One. Two. Who’s going to look away first? Three. Timmy.
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 26
Kudos: 71





	Be Someone Else

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone 💜
> 
> This fic started as my way to express my frustration over Timmy taking part in yet another sham. It ended a little more emotional than I expected. There is no mention of the pandemic - I refuse to write about it (I write to escape). I wanted to post this much sooner, but then life happened and then the divorce announcement came and it just didn't feel like the time to post this. However, I am impatient and it's finished, so I am posting it now. Maybe, it will find its readers. 
> 
> The title is from Frank Ocean's "Be Yourself" - it is a voice message recording.

_“Listen, stop trying to be somebody else_

_Don’t try to be someone else_

_Be yourself and know that that’s good enough”_

_Frank Ocean – Be Yourself_

They haven’t seen each other in months. It started with Timothée shutting off. Or maybe it started with Armie cancelling plans with Timmy to spend more time with his family. Who knows, all that matters is, that it started and never stopped. The amount of time between the times they saw each other became longer, facetime calls shorter. Until they stopped altogether.

Now they were both attending an award show that they both tried to talk their way out of; not wanting to face each other. When Timothée arrived, it was impossible to miss him – Hollywood’s golden boy with a confused soul. Armie tried to blend in. Well, as much as you can with 6’5.

They did well. Most of the award show at least. They managed to dance around each other in the giant hall, when one moved to one side, the other stepped further away. Towards the end of the ceremony, as they were announcing the winner in some category, Timothée turned around, eyes searching for some friend (saying friend, meaning someone it’s good to be seen with nowadays) who was nominated. It was then, when their eyes locked by accident – if you can count Armie’s eyes practically burning a hole in the back of Timmy’s head during most of the ceremony an accident. They both twitched. Or they both imagined it. One. Two. Who’s going to look away first? Three. Timmy.

The rest of the show went on without any disturbances, only Timmy’s shoulders seemed stiffer than before. During the afterparty, they were expected to mingle and network. So, they did, but the questions and assumptions were a pain in the ass. “Are you here with Timmy? I just saw him walk past.” “It’s so great you guys both got to attend today. Must bring up wonderful memories.” “Are you hanging out after?” Jesus, read the room people!

Armie did keep an eye on Timmy the whole evening – just to make sure he avoided him, of course. As he was half-listening to this director who kept trying to get him into his new movie, he saw Xavier Dolan approach Timothée. Armie couldn’t help it but feel excited, since he knew how much Timmy wanted to work with the director. He watched them talk for a bit, however Timmy looked rather uninterested, until he excused himself to go and talk to some big-name director. Mind you, a big-name director, whose work Timmy once described as uninspired and uninspiring and that he didn’t get the buzz.

Armie watched the whole interaction happen and when Timmy got far enough, he himself approached Xavier, who looked as if he were trying to solve a pretty tough puzzle.

“Hello,” Armie offered.

“Oh hi,” Xavier’s eyes widened slightly. “I just talked to Timothée, he still must be-“

“I know, I saw you two. And I’m sorry.”

“So, you saw. I thought I must have imagined it. I am working on this new project and I thought he would be perfect for it. He used to seem on board with working with me. I must have misread it.”

“No, you have not. He would gush about your movies all the time; I am just as surprised as you are.” But as Armie watched Timmy talk to that other director, he realized that maybe he should not be as surprised. This Timmy – or Timothée – doesn’t seem to be the same kid he met in Crema years ago.

They haven’t talked, or communicated in any way really, since it happened. Armie tried not to think about it. He tried to push it away as if it never happened. But what was possible to do with Capri – kind of laugh about it and move on – is not possible with this major fuck-up. This major fuck-up that Timmy agreed to, knowing damn well what he was getting himself into this time, and actively participated in (perhaps a little too actively if you ask Armie). It is maybe harsh to call it a fuck-up, but Armie still does. The PR team probably sees it as a success – oh look at this totally hetero actor.

When the pictures hit the internet, Armie couldn’t believe it. First, he refused to believe it was Timmy, but it quickly became apparent that it was indeed his former co-star. Then he wanted to retch because he could not believe Timmy would lower himself to this. He understood some PR stunts; in current Hollywood those were still kind of part of the job. But calling paps to take pictures of you grinding onto your “girlfriend”, suggesting there was more going on than just grinding. Walking around with a boner and your ass butt-naked. What was the need for this? Did Timmy not have any self-respect?

Armie needed to calm down after those images flooded his mind again, so he excused himself and headed for the bathroom, choosing the one furthest away, so he’d have a chance of some privacy. But as he barged in, he noticed the bathroom was already occupied. And not just by anyone.

Despite his head twisted towards the source of the noise, Timmy was still leaning against the sinks, breathing deeply, water dripping from his face.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll use another bathroom.” Armie tried to back away quickly when Timmy’s voice stopped him.

“Armie, wait.” So, he turned around, still standing halfway through the door. Eyebrows raised slightly in a question.

Timmy squirmed, not knowing where to put his hands he tried out different positions, until he hunched forward with a groan. After a few seconds, he lifted his head again, his eyes pleading. “I hate this. Can’t we be normal again?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” scoffed Armie. But sensing this conversation was far from over, he stepped back into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Look, I know we haven’t talked since it happened. I also know that we don’t talk about it. But I did, what I did. There’s no changing it.”

“So, you don’t regret it? Not at all?”

“What does it matter? It’s not going to change anything!” Timmy’s voice raising noticeably with each word. He must have realized he was losing his cool because he took a deep breath and bit his lip.

“It might,” Armie whispered.

“It served its fucking purpose. Not long after I was offered some pretty big roles and people finally think about something else than me fucking a peach! It got my name out there again-“

“It got your name out there? What the fuck has happened to you? Honestly, where’s the passion you had for acting and meaningful projects? It seems you’re more concerned about maintaining the image of a leading man to be able to score roles, than about actually working on projects you’re passionate about.”

“You’re the one to talk about maintaining an image!” Timmy sneered.

Armie knew he deserved that one. He had nothing to say to that, since it was true. His marriage has been one big sham for quite a while now. Maybe he shouldn’t judge Timmy participating in another PR stunt so harshly. What else was his marriage other than a stunt? Contempt took over love long time ago.

“Tim.”

Timmy flinched. Nobody called him that in a long time.

“You’ve changed. You were so determined to do it differently, but now… What’s happened to you?” Armie subconsciously reached out to touch Timmy’s arm. He managed to stop himself in time, but it felt awkward. He noticed during their conversation, Timmy made a few steps towards Armie, seemingly unaware of it. Their bodies were calling out to each other. When they were together before, they were practically glued together. This didn’t feel right.

“I found out that I can’t change Hollywood on my own. But you’re right, I used to be motivated to try anyway. But… Do you wanna know what happened to me, Armie?” Timmy paused, as if contemplating whether he should continue. Then he took a deep breath and decided to just get it off his chest.

“I was in love once. And there came a time when I realized, that this love would never get a chance. And it hurt like a motherfucker. So, I shut off. Because every time I would get passionate about a project, I would immediately think – _I want to tell Armie all about it._ But I couldn’t, because you were busy with your family. I shut off, because the only person whose opinion I valued no longer cared.”

There it was. All laid out in front of Armie. Did it excuse all the things Timmy did? No. But did Armie understand? Oh yes, he did. All the things you do out of heartbreak, to numb the pain, fill the void. Feel like there is something worth living for, however superficial it might be.

“I cared. I always cared,” he only managed to say.

“Yeah, but not enough. And I didn’t blame you – scratch that – I TRIED not to blame you. I got it, you have a family and all. I’ve been trying to move on somehow. I thought if I just kept trying different things, it would change. But… Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I should go, they’ll be looking for me.”

Armie stood there dumbstruck. The whole time he thought, he was the one left behind. But it was him, who hurt Timmy. Or maybe, they both hurt the other in some way.

Timmy was halfway through the door, when he stopped and turned back, almost as an afterthought.

“To answer your question. Do I regret the thing itself? No, probably not.”

It made Armie’s anger flare up again, but it was stomped into the ground by the next words that Timmy muttered quietly: “Do I regret losing you? I do. And always will.”

Timmy’s eyes met Armie’s gaze for a second and then, as if he couldn’t bare it any longer, he slipped out and closed the door.

**Author's Note:**

> "THE BLOODY END" - these are the words the fic ended with in my Word document. 
> 
> Also - this is a work of fiction! I do not believe Timmy really is some sort of famewhore or whatever.
> 
> Thank you for giving this fic a shot, I hope you liked it. Kudos and comments are deeply appreciated - you have no idea how happy they make me 💜
> 
> Feel free to find me on Tumblr - I'm @call-me-by-charmie.


End file.
